Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Moment of Zen

Question: "Have you ever had sex with a relative?"

<*Ominous background music; the camera swerves; the old man on the seat grimaces visibly (he's originally from Lucknow, it turns out!); the Soul Searching Subroutine is activated; his relatives are on the show and are now looking at each other (perhaps in wonderment) (Was it him/her he fucked?)*>

Answer: <*reluctantly albeit*> "Yes".

"Let's see what the polygraph machine has to say."

Polygraph Machine: "The old man speaks truthfully. It was a dark winter night when he came home drunk..."


The show is called Sach ka Saamna and (thankfully!) all its episodes are there on Youtube.

The premise is simple. Answer twenty one questions truthfully ["Ah but what is truth?", the philosophically minded among you would ask; NF: "Didn't you know? This deep philosophical problem was solved a little after WW II. The Polygraph Machine boasts of stellar success rates. As much as 61% according to a '97 study!"; "Huh, that's a little better than pure chance!", you counter; <*Nanga Fakir goes to an adjoining room for a minute or two*>; NF: "The machine says you're lying. It also says you're an absconding sex offender."] and you could win one crore rupees. Just like KBC, the initial questions are sitters [cf. "Have you ever gone without bathing for more than a week?";"Have you ever thought of killing your husband?"; "Have you ever stripped naked in a public place?" {actually this question was posed to Vinod Kambli who confessed to having done it. Turns out that Sachin Tendulkar put him up to it!}]. The later ones...not so.

"Do you remember the names of all the people you've slept with?"

So all those plagued by darkness, all those battling terminal diseases, all those who think life has no meaning, all those contemplating suicide as a way out of this whole ungodly boredom can turn their attention to Youtube now.

It's as the late George Carlin said - "When you're born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front-row seat." However, as in other fields of endeavor (business, science etc.), India is giving America a run for its money. The Chinese, since they don't believe in democracy, haven't caught up with such sophisticated standards of TV production yet.

"Do you have illegitimate children?"

But frankly, who will be interested in knowing sordid details of ordinary middle-aged housewives? So in a clever marketing move, the contestants will more often than not, be wannabe B grade celebrities, many of them from the same Saas-Bahu franchise which made them a household name in all of India. As again, the common, poor man loses out on earning one crore rupees and washing his dirty linen on national television by the moneyed, second tier celebrity bandwagon. Arundhati Roy is proven right. Yet again.

"Would you sleep with other men if your husband doesn't come to know of it?"

Nanga Fakir is also all taken up by the new breed of writers of such insanely groundbreaking TV shows. He knows for a fact that all of them are recruited from the Hogwarts School of Advanced Misanthropy and Indian Institute of Pure Cynicism - none of which are easy to get into. The entrance exam consists of raping an old woman to death and shooting a baby on her face in front of her mother.

So all those afflicted with the Truth Syndrome who want to earn a little easy cash on the side - Welcome!

Link to the TV Show the concept's been filched from - The Moment of Truth.


karatalaamalaka said...

ROTFL! This one's just too good: "Arundhati Roy is proven right. Yet again."

Bejin Hakumei said...

Indian reality shows did what "So You Think You Can Dance" couldn't.

They made NF watch shit.

Darkness and deep said...

Disgusting man.. BTW didn't get the arundathi roy joke, could you please explain...

Nanga Fakir said...

@Sudipto: You're going to be disappointed since it wasn't a big joke in the first place.

Arundhati Roy keeps saying that the inequalities between the upper and the lower classes (income-wise) are increasing. The fact that the lower, ordinary classes don't get (as much) a chance to come on the show, embarrass themselves and earn money by stripping naked on national television because the slot's been already filled by B grade celebrities proves her right. Yet again.