Friday, February 15, 2008

The Outsiders

Bangys have finally risen against the nitwit immigrant population (Link).

CJ is a happy soul I am sure. Many a time during many a conversation, his semi-humorous, semi-serious loathing against non Kannadigas (especially stupid philistine Northies) came to the fore. I don't know if he knew that among the worst of the worst immigrant philistines that he poked fun at, I should have, on all counts, figured at the top of the list on account of my prominent connections with East UP and Bhojpuri culture. If he pokes fun at the laborer class, then most of them are from UP. If he pokes fun at Northies (read Hindi speaking junta) then too I am indicted for having played a part in soiling the glorious culture.

I did not have a particularly nice time in Bangalore either. That I lived in an obscure corner which most Bangys themselves would not know about didn't help matters much either. The auto rickshaw guys fleeced me regularly. The buses were few and far in between. Was it because of the cultural stain that my people were on the immaculate fabric of Kannada culture? I don't think so.

Did I get pissed off when 'my people' were ridiculed? Not at all. I'd like to imagine that I am at the forefront of such 'ridiculous' activities. But of all emotions that could've surfaced, the most prominent one was that of immense surprise. That genuinely smart people like CJ would hold the views that they do (some of his more outrageous ones are simply to ruffle stupid politically correct people's feathers) comes across to me more as a problem of the remarkable existence (and domination) of irrationality in humans as a whole - irrespective of how smart/brilliant/talented they are individually.

But we - the poor, stupid, backward, uneducated, uncultured blundering buffoons (read UP/Biharis) get fucked wherever we care to go. Mumbaikars are pissed off with us and they'd hate to let us see our "Sasura Bada Paisa Wala" and "Ab ta Ban_ja Sajanwa Hamaar". Modern Bangys hate us because we can't speak English and don't understand the power of Rock and Roll. Old Bangys hate us because we speak Hindi/don't learn Kannada, are insular, are hell bent on polluting Kannada culture and are a general nuisance. Delhi hates us because we eat up resources which don't exist back there in our state. (Link)

Bascially, we are to India, what India was to the world twenty years ago -- poor, corrupt, diseased and showing no chances of recovery. South Indian mothers are afraid to send their children anywhere more north than Mumbai (AK's mom fretted if in IIT Kanpur, he will be eaten alive by mysterious Northie rakshasas).

What is the solution to the problem? And more importantly, does there exist a solution if you have people decrying the strain immigrant junta are on their resources in one breath and congratulating themselves on the success of their US placed sons/daughters in the other?

Being the misanthrope that I am, I think not. What I think will happen is that every now and then, some smart guy, to his advantage, will stir up and manipulate gullible (read stupid) junta into killing some poor rickshaw pulling sons of bitches from the Dark Land (read UP-Bihar). This will lead to the consolidation of the poor Northy in the civilised South. Which will entail a demand for a representative of the community during elections. This will help some Northy parties fight it out for the chunk of the aforementioned votes. Since BJP plays the culture card, it wouldn't be able to side with the cultural polluters in the South. These poor fellows will find their true leader in the charismatic Mayawati of the BSP. Slowly the spread of the BSP will increase and in due time BSP will will rule the Centre leading to the entire MG Road in Bangalore being turned into Parivartan Chauk II.

(Link to news of Mayawati's Prime Ministerial ambitions)

A Bangy will then rise to beat the shit out of the Northy motherfuckers. He will be called CJ. And so shall Mayawati be assassinated.

PS: Although the Garden City of India is Bangalore, I still think that there are more gardens/parks in a mere one kilometre radius around Parivartan Chauk in Lucknow than there are in the entire city of Bangalore.

19 comments:

Safari Al said...

What a brilliant CJ-fuck-post it was.

I am sure now CJ is saying - "Fucking northy man...philistines...they don't even know who James Hetfield is"

Nanga Fakir said...

"Fucking northy man...philistines...they don't even know who James Hetfield is"

How VERY CJ!

satyavrat said...

Who James Hetfield is?

Nanga Fakir said...

Good question, let me check Wikipedia.

Arvind Krishna said...

I always loved Bangalore because it was so open to outsiders unlike madras...I guess I am sort of an outsider myself.

And I don't think your experience in Bangalore is representative of the place. Going to Forum a couple of times and staying in Kodegehalli is comparable to staying in lucknow and eating south indian food.

And Bangalore is no longer the garden city...its more like the pub city or the tech city.

Nanga Fakir said...

Yes...my experience is hardly representative. But the middle class pensioner's resort has become a playground for the debaucheries of the rich and famous.

If there existed a time when B'lore resembled Malgudi then I am not sure how many people can actually see such a place in B'lore now.

The modern B'lore-the pub city and all has nothing to do with what it was. I think that has changed irreversibly. And I never got to see the 'other' B'lore and it sucks!

Indus Creep said...

Hmmm...

Have you wondered how many crimes are committed by the Northie students studying in hostels in Bangalore? Some of them get drunk and stop cars on the road, then threaten them with knives...etc.

And yeah, the language is another thing. Have you noticed that the National Language is the same as what you guys speak at home? What if you talked some other language all your life and then, you suddenly find Northies insulting your language and stating that everyone should speak Hindi? Maybe it hasn't happened to you, but it fucking hurts.

The issue here is not immigration. It is about people forcing their culture on you. Can you see that?

For eg., consider me and Tamil. I find it offensive when people ASSUME you know tamil and expect you to speak Tamil to them.

If some outsider Tam spoke Kannada to me, I would reply in Tamil.

Indus Creep said...

Fucking northies man...philistines...they don't even know who James Hetfield is

Random Signal Generator said...

I don't feel so strongly against north indian culture or language, but that's probably because I lived in north India for 5 years as a kid. That doesn't' mean I don't cherish my prejudices. Everyone has theirs, at least until their misconceptions convert their opinions. Case in point - I can now relate to the invading settlers (whom I previously eyed warily) feeling unwanted, now that I am in a weird land.

But until then, alien-bashing is always fun to those who are at liberty to do it guilt free!

Varun (a.k.a. seti)

Nanga Fakir said...

@CJ

It is strange that you raise the language issue. I still think most modern Bangys speak in English (even amongst each other) than Kannada. Which is even more ironic since the number of Jnanpith Award winners in Kannada is the highest for Kannada writers (9) (more than Hindi which comes a second at 8) than for any other Indian language.

Indus Creep said...

@fuckir:

About language in general, I think it is the single most important uniting factor in a group, considering how often people communicate. It is also the easiest way to divide a group, since we reach a deadlock if two people cannot communicate (assuming one doesnt know the other's language).

Since we all grow up speaking the same language at home and outside, it is only human instinct to have an initial averse reaction towards people who do not speak the same lang as you. In this case, Hindi vs Kannada. The situation only worsens if someone _expects_ you to speak a language you dont want to.

Most modern bangies do speak English amongst themselves yeah, but i think they are exactly the kind of people who would most probably not have a problem with 'immigration'. People who speak their mother tongue at home will most likely consider only-hindi-speaking-northies to be hostile.

Then there are of course, amazing Northies who I know and love, but unfortunately, these are a minority.

Bottom line, if all Northies would have been like you, there would be no problem. somehow, that is not the case. you do NOT represent the majority.

Nanga Fakir said...

Since you praise me, let's end the discussion at that and bury the hatchet over the grave of the North South divide!

Indus Creep said...

why dont we both start hating people from maharashtra since they beat your people up and want some parts of karnataka into their state?

they are north enough for bangies and south enough for you northies

Random Signal Generator said...

Here we go again, mattha bashing

Nanga Fakir said...

Mattha chutiya mathha chutiya aha aha!!!

Tarun R said...

"... if you have people decrying the strain immigrant junta are on their resources in one breath and congratulating themselves on the success of their US placed sons/daughters in the other?"

This thought is just brilliant. Exposing people for the hypocrites they are.

And speaking of the language, it happens when you are a part of a talk in a common language and suddenly a new fellow arrives and the language shifts to their language which you don't understand. That is just rude. Akin to a rejection by a slap on the face.

Nanga Fakir said...

I don't think so. Apart from a select group of Bangys (including you, CJ, Shatry etc) almost every Bangy I knew ALWAYS spoke in English (even among themselves) (examples are many: Vyas, Vikram, Pranay and many more). Your wing was more an exception than a rule.

And even among yourselves the degree of English you guys used was way, way more than that used by any other regional group (cf us UP guys, Bihari guys etc).

This is not meant to be in a necessarily pejorative sense, just a harmless observation, I'd say.

I have observed the middle and upper middle kids/youth of Bangalore too. Even in a god forsaken place like Kodigehalli they spoke English (while playing amongst themselves) and NOT Kannada almost all the time.

I thought this phenomenon was concentrated more in the middle and upper middle segments of society (it generally is) but is far more widespread than I thought it is.

And I don't think dismissing it as an NPS phenomenon will help. Bangalore, and Bangys are more American than many parts in America themselves.

Phew what a long comment!

rohan17286 said...

Mattha chutiya??
Up your posterior.

Nanga Fakir said...

Ha ha ha...point taken!