Friday, December 07, 2007

Of Dark Lords and their Minions

A really, really cute firang girl stopped Nanga Fakir as he was walking his trademark absent-minded-looking-down-on-the-ground walks. Why???

"Elementary, my dear Watson! She is smitten by your month long stubble, scattered (lice ridden?) hair and skeletal, unwashed-for-seven-days body. Look at her as she smiles in sweet anticipation of having an audience with the great man!", he said to himself.

Yes, clearly Nanga Fakir had slain one more fair maiden. Behold the power of smelly underwears!

Fair Maiden: "Won't you have a look at this book?"
Nanga Fakir forcibly takes his eyes off her bewitching face to the ware she was selling.

The book was Bhagwad Gita. Nanga Fakir could not, but laugh his famous cruel, maniacal laughter (which reached across to the Fair Maiden as a soft chuckle).

Fair Maiden: "You're Indian? No? You must know the deep philosophy contained in it."

Nanga Fakir: (Still laughing his cruel-laughter-which-is-manifested-as-a-soft-chuckle) "Yeah I know! But I am an atheist". And as he said these words and felt slightly proud of himself, he saw, that a part of the Fair Maiden wilted, even visibly so.

Fair Maiden: "But you know this is independent of all these things...No?

A deep regard for aesthetics stopped Nanga Fakir from saying what he had in mind. "Let Alice be in Wonderland. The fuck you care???" he said to himself.

So he grew quiet and let the Fair Maiden begin her story-how the Prince of ISKCON had come to rescue her from the great black Demon of Despondency and how the Fair Maiden was, but a month away from her sojourn in Vrindavan-the abode of the handsome prince of ISKCON.

Nanga Fakir tried to listen but could not. So he, rather abruptly and even cruelly, stopped the (rather emotional) recounting of the Fair Maiden's story and muttered some pitifully lame excuse and ran off.


But he could not forget the Fair Maiden. Why??? Did Nanga Fakir finally fall in love? ...Fuck no! Why then? Why?

He kept thinking about her as he randomly roamed around. Her earnest face, full of new found conviction, kept returning back to him. He had rebuked her irrevocably and her deeply affronted (or so he imagined) face came back to haunt him.

"What the fuck is the problem with these firangs?", he said to himself, by now genuinely angered-both at the snazzy, fashionably spiritually minded firangs as well as himself, for having been thinking about the Fair Maiden for so long.

But he imagined her alone in the far off lands of the Old Country-full of dust, dirt and mysterious magic. And he saw evil demons eyeing the Fair Maiden lasciviously and also the sly sorcerers who would magically transform themselves into great yogis and lure the (rather gullible) Fair Maiden into their secret caves. He gave an involuntary, anguished cry and ran back to the one he had so wantonly wronged.

He had no problem in finding her as she unsuccessfully tried to sell spirituality to fellow kids who were probably already sold out to the great American Dream. Nanga Fakir sneaked up to her.

Nanga Fakir: "Hi, I am back."
Fair Maiden: "Hi..."
Nanga Fakir: "...I...I just came back to say this......"

Some oppressive silence.

Nanga Fakir: "Look, there are many imposters out there in the garb of holy men. Don't go out with people you don't know. Trust me on this. Take care of yourself".

A barely inaudible "Thanks" escaped the visibly surprised lips of the Fair Maiden. He didn't know why, but he held her hands and squeezed them as he felt a gush of genuine brotherly affection for her surge through him. He saw she was about to speak something, but before she could do that, he muttered something lame and ran off.

PS: In one of the English translations, I read Krishna referred to as The Dark Lord. (Krishna means 'Black/Dark' in Sanskrit.)

"Whoa...", I said to myself. Who wouldn't want to follow The Dark Lord? It sounds so awesome! Sauron, Voldemort, Darth Vader-all the most awesome villains (with the notable exception of Mogambo and Gabbar Singh) were referred to as The Dark Lord.

Man do I want to join ISKCON just to be called the minion of The Dark Lord!


Safari Al said...

Brotherly affection????



Ankur Pandey said...

Moral of the story- Nanga Fakir hates Manoj Kumar, but secretly adores SRK.

Music playing-
"chahe jo tumhe poore dil se
milta hai vo mushkil se..."

[PS- What happened to Ghongha, he might well have been the hero (ok yeah, anti-hero) here too; I thought you were up to Ghongha series.]

Nanga Fakir said...

@Subbu: Will try better next time! Promise!

@Pandu: I am on the Ghongha Series, but I decided to write a story 'inspired from true events'. And yes...(ahem ahem...) sometimes, great people direct themselves and drop into their movies like flies on a good, wholesome piece of shit - examples being Scorsese, Woody Allen, and hell Subhash Ghai and David Dhawan too!

Tarun R said...

This is a brilliant story. The ending was just excellent, "he muttered something lame and ran off", too good.

Even the title, the theme of the story and the ending line, "join ISKCON just to be called the minion of The Dark Lord" brilliantly fits.

Tarun R said...

And speaking of Serial Experiments Lain, I saw that a month back. Just kick arse and too psychotic.

Nanga Fakir said...

@ Ra: Ahem....shukriya, shukriya! But keep in mind, it is inspired from true events!

Yes, Serial Experiments Lain is awe-fucking-some!

Nitesh said...

Ok... now then... seems you are getting interested and lucky as shree 1008 pandey maharaj... The story sucks... but the fact that its inspired from a true story is missed by people who have commented and I see a desperateness in you when you say again and again that it is inspired by true stories... :)

About being called a minion of a dark lord.. well well.. you sure know why you should be joining ISKCON now... :)

Nanga Fakir said...

@Nitesh: Do NOT, I repeat Do NOT, compare shree shree 1008 Pandu ji Maharaj to non entities like me and insult their greatness!

Ankur Pandey said...

"I see a desperateness in you when you say again and again that it is inspired by true stories... :)"

haha, caught red handed, well done Nitesh; something that you will never accept.

I kinda liked the story, save heavy dose of cynicism. But it was touching.

[Saw all of Lain yesterday. Top-notch]

Nanga Fakir said...

"I kinda liked the story, save heavy dose of cynicism. But it was touching."

Really??? Awesome...

You saw all of Lain in one day??? Jobless ho kya???

But it's some God Level anime to be sure-looked like a page of a Nirmal Verma story at times! Don't you think so?

Ankur Pandey said...

I agree, will blog about it after the sem ends.

& its not joblessness, its called procrastination, in which I am one of the finest masters ever born ;)

Tarun R said...

"But it's some God Level anime to be sure-looked like a page of a Nirmal Verma story at times! Don't you think so?"

The anime so reminds me of "Ve Din", especially the description in the book of a fluttering piece of cloth going "fut fut" and the scene in the anime of Lain leaving her home to go to school that occurs a lot through out the series. The scenes are so similar and give a very eerie feel.

And about your story, let's face it, it is fiction.But the character is so you. Brilliant character construction though.

Nanga Fakir said...

"And about your story, let's face it, it is fiction"'re is heavy fiction all right! Who am I kidding?

By the way, did you read "Laal Teen ki Chchat"? You blogged about buying it in the Delhi Book Fair.

Arvind Krishna said...

I am the dark lord....muaahaahaa. Unfortunately, I also wish I lived up to my name.

Nitesh said...

I mailed you... since you do not reply.. I thought you would definitely check this out... So.. wanted to hear your reactions over the Erdos number thing...

delete this when you read this and reply...

Nanga Fakir said...

I did mail you back...!!! There must be something wrong. In fact, you are not replying to my mails...

Obviously, Erdos Number 4 is great ego boost...

Safari Al said...

Even shatry has an Erdos number of 4. So there you go... it isn't so new for me now!

zephyrman said...

Stick to ghonga.thinking of themselves as the hero has led many a great writer down the path of many auto-biographers are hailed as great writers now???

aur kripya mujhe shree 1008 panduji ka kya funda hai batayein.