Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ninja Tips for Healthy Living

<*Nods to Garnet for the great gift!*>

  • Exercise is important but jogging is for wimps. Plenty of exercise can be had leaping bushes and kicking joggers in the head.
  • Laughter is medicine. Ninjas practice the art of inappropriate laughter. Laughing when hearing about cancer also shows the ninja's strength.
  • Ninjas occasionally, without warning, stab friends in their faces with dirty, blunt knives. Life is random. Ninjas embrace this fact of life.
  • Killing the wrong person happens. Ninjas know this. It's useless to live in the past.
  • Everyone knows yoga classes are filled with women. Ninjas prove their skill and impress women by killing off the yoga instructor.
  • Samurais are the source of much stress for ninjas. They think they're sooo cool with their armor and swords and awesome helmets. It is in a ninja's best interest to not think about such things.
  • When eating the still beating hearts of their enemies, ninjas eat it all. For every one such lucky ninja, there are ten in Africa who don't have any hearts to eat.
  • Cleanliness is important. If ninjas get ketchup stains on their outfit when eating out, they throw smoke pellets and teleport, only to appear outside their den where they burn their besmirched outfits.
  • Theoretical mind control is one of the most powerful ninja sciences. Applied mind control involves inducing small children to give you their money.
  • It's good for ninjas to treat themselves to occasional Western pleasures. That's why it's okay to put on a clean ninja outfit, light candles and watch "Ninja Vixens: Virgin Nightmares".


shadows said...