Friday, August 03, 2007

Alternative Harry Potter 7

So this is what happens. Abhishek Pathak mails "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" to a mailing list of a million people and I am included in the long list of nobodys. Being totally jobless, I decide to read it (yes, I have read the others too!).

First observation: 240 pages. "Weird", I say.
Second thoughts (?): "Nah, I'll read it anyway. The print's small, that's all!"

So I undertake a voyage I had never undertaken before, i.e., reading a .pdf while sitting in front of a computer. But anyway, coming to the main point, this two day intensive reading (and the consequent backache) left me furious since it turned out that this wasn't the complete book. So I mail Pathak and ask for the complete version and voila! the next day it is mailed to me. However, I wasn't ready for the shit!

Turns out that the new .pdf has absolutely nothing in common with the old one. No-fucking-thing at all! Flustered, I read a short intro of the first scene on Wikipedia and realised that the new version is both correct and complete. I go on to read the new .pdf and finish my misadventure.

This would have been normal had it not been for the fact that I was already wary of copycats and yet couldn't identify the fake one. It was so god damned intelligently written. And if you ask me frankly, in a couple of places better written than the original.

This is it: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (fake and incomplete) .

Yeah I know you're not going to read it so I'll give you a gist.

(WARNING: Spoilers aplenty!)

Basically this was so interesting because it had a couple of scenes of graphic underage sex that Harry indulges in! (Having second thoughts about reading the .pdf? Go right ahead and don't read what's coming on!). Plus it also features Harry in innumerable kissing, coddling, caressing and what-fucking-ever scenes (it was all so damn fucking mushy).


Unknown Interrogator : How the fuck did you not know this was a fake, man?
I : Maine socha Harry bada ho gaya hai!

Siriusly (bad pun I know!) though I had doubts about this being THE Harry Potter book but they were proven to be short lived as they were only minor scenes (pun intended!) when compared to the overall mood/setting of the book. And Harry Potter was so much THE Harry Potter whom the readers know and Voldemort hates! Man, they conned me!

Neville kills Bellatrix in this version and himself gets killed. Bellatrix had, earlier, finished off the kid sister of Fleur Delacour (ignore spelling mistakes, if any), Lupin becomes the Head of the Order of Phoenix, Harry and Hermione become Head Boy and Girl respectively with McGonagall (refer instructions as regard to spelling above) as the Head Mistress of Hogwarts, Slughorn destroys one of the Horcruxes for Harry and dies doing it etc etc.

The fake is also remarkable in being able to anticipate a couple of developments that are actually there in the original. The location of the locket and the role of Kreacher, the funda of RAB (this one was easy!), the role of Snape (I had guessed this too!) etc were some areas in which the fake anticipates the original. It also had in plan a much larger and more important role for Dumbledore's brother (yeah, he's the Hogmeade barman in the fake too!). But most importantly it introduces the mysterious character of JULIE (yeah, Harry fucks her in a graphic scene!) and the strange cat of Ginny. Ginny herself is more mysterious and is given a stronger role.

The only gripe I have about the fake is that it is incomplete. Man, if I could lay my hands on the complete one!

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